Curtain up Act 1

I hit Harry as hard as I could with the skillet. I heard it bash into the side of his head and I swung again. I wanted to kill him. I heard him scream and I heard myself yelling, "I'm going to fucking kill you, you fucker!" We were both bleeding.
*
Hold up, maybe I should start at the beginning. Shirl and I had moved out of Lone Pine. She had taken up with this son of a bitch I couldn't stand and he got her heavy into Heroin. I came home one day and found most of our furniture gone, sold for drugs. We had some hard words and both moved out. The fight didn't last long. She moved to another town, realized what an asshole the guy was and cleaned up her act. We were best friends again within a month. But, she wanted to stay there where she had family and I didn't want to move there. I had this ugly rental house here. It looked normal, old, but, normal, but, it wasn't. Nothing worked and it had rats. They were so bad, I took to shooting them with a .22 for sport. If you ever try that, use bird shot. It won't hurt anything else unless you get too close. Barely leaves a mark in wallpaper.
*
Anyhow..I didn't have a job. I'd been driving a taxi at Lone Pine, but, the guy ripped me off so bad, I quit. He hit on me too, he was always feeling me up and he was so gross. I even had to get a chauffeur's licence and then had to quit. I was looking for something else, but, I had no one to watch the kid since Shirl wigged out. I went on welfare. Ehh, people bitch about someone being on welfare, fuck that. They gave me $122.00 a month. Wow. During the month that I missed Shirl, I started hanging out with Jaws more. She was okay. At least once in awhile she stayed straight enough to trade babysitting chores with. I've told you about her. She was pretty and sometimes funny, but, mostly good to laugh at because she was so pretentious. That's why we called her Jaws. It was a snotty version of her real name, Joyce. You know, like, Jaaaws is up jogging and baking organic bread. Which is what she'd tell our boy friends on a morning drop by. And Shirl would always say, fuck you, you're dropping ludes with some old amputee with a medical licence. Organic bread, my ass. Jaws was fucked up a lot and left her kid with me all the time. (Cute kid, she was my kid's first girlfriend and I have pics somewhere.) But, once in awhile she'd give me a payback night out. Not often though, man, that girl loved to party.
*
It was through Jaws that I met Harry. She was fucking him. Now, I still say, you never fuck a friend's fuck or former fuck. But, there are exceptions. Shirl and I would always ask first. I mean, this is a small place, there's not a lot of selection. If something's good and no one's using it..hey. If a friend was serious about someone, you never went there. Jaws, on the other hand did go there and she never asked. And she LOVED fucking our men. She made no bones about it. That's how she got her name. I mean, who the fuck "just drops by" on a Sunday morning with a fat joint, yelling, "Time to get up! I just baked organic bread!" (with the store sticker still on it, bitch)? Yeah. I guess we never got really mad at her because she wasn't someone any guy could take seriously. If they had to listen to her for more than a night, they usually left town. And I personally wasn't interested in committed relationships anyway. She was just irritating that way. One thing was a rule though..if one of our fucks fell for her shit, even once, they couldn't come back. And they tried. But, a rule's a rule. Men are dumb sometimes.
*
I had broken up with JB, he pissed me off. He was getting really pushy. He made Crazy Bill leave town, threatening him..and I wasn't even into Crazy Bill. Crazy Bill was a pretty box of rocks. JB also started doing this thing where he grabbed my arm when he told me what to do and it sort of scared me. I come from real violence and I don't know, I just didn't like it. Avoiding JB was difficult since he was pretty much stalking me. Ignoring him worked the best. I sicced Jaws on him as a diversion, but, to his credit he wouldn't go for it. He said she was a walking box of VD, which was kind of pissy since he fucked everyone too.
*
So, Jaws had a new fuck she was bragging about and one day I decided to pull her own stunt on her. I went over real early on a Sunday morning and pounded on her door with "organic" bread. She was pissed too. I was just bored and fucking around. But, he was there and he got up and came out to meet me. Damn. He was good looking. Jaws had terrible taste in men, but, this guy was hot. Long wavy brown hair and big brown expressive eyes and sort of bushy eyebrows that moved up and down as he talked. He wasn't tall, in fact, he was a small guy. Maybe 5'6" and 155 pounds, but, cute as hell. He started talking and had me cracking up. Jesus, where did she find this one? He was smart. She said he was an actor and he interrupted her and said he wasn't an actor, he worked at a theatre. I shook my head. There was a theatre around here?
*
Turns out there wasn't. I didn't think there was any creative place around here since Lone Pine was disolved. He lived in the next state over and they'd met at a kegger. This was their third "date." If she was so into him, how come she thought he was an actor? I filed that. We chatted some more and I left. Much to her delight. She was thouroughly pissed. Well, she did that shit to Shirl and me all the time. Not so funny, is it, Jaws?
*
Harry threw a kegger and made sure Jaws brought me along. She said he specifically asked her to bring me. Hmm. Well, if it irritated her, I'd go. Shirl and I were back on speaking terms since she'd cleaned up, so she kept my kid for the night. It was a good party. He had heads and hippies and all these actors there. I'd never met any real actors before and they were a trip. There was an acoustic band and everyone was stoned or tripping. He lived with a group of people in this good sized house in the country and he was like, the head of the household. He kind of ran the show. I thought they were a trip and I liked them. There was one dude called DaVeed who was very good looking. He wasn't really my type, but, Jaws wanted him, so I spent umm, some time with him. Jaws was such a pain in the ass. She got in my face about it and I said, you're with Harry, you idiot. To make this shorter..I said I'd rather have Harry anyway and if I was a bad friend I would have taken him. She drunkenly said, go ahead. So I called him into the kitchen with us and said, I'm taking you. And he said, okay. Which is what he wanted anyway. Jaws was so pissed. I told her she'd get over it.
*
Harry turned out to be my first serious relationship. He seemed as into me as I was him. We both never saw anyone else after that first day together. And Jaws got over it. At first we'd just see each other on his days off when he could drive over. Or we'd spend the weekend there and I'd go to the plays with the kid. He loved that. But, all that driving was a drag, so Harry asked me to move in. I thought it over and we talked about it. I had a kid, he had a houseful of actors. How would that work? I talked to the kid too and he liked Harry and he'd been over there and he liked the people. I decided to do it. The worst that could happen is that we'd have to move again. It's not like we never did that anyway. Communal style living was becoming normal.
*
It was a good move. The house had four official bedrooms and two bathrooms. Wow, two bathrooms. That was a step up from old Lone Pine. It was an old craftsman style house. (We later had a painting party and decorated it in a perfect mix of hippie and 70's harvest gold chic. It looked like Woodstock met the Three's Company apartment..and it was cool.) All the upstairs rooms had those slanted ceilings. Harry and I had a bedroom upstairs, the kid got the small room next to it that they'd been using for storage. A bathroom separated them. Across the hall, DaVeed had a room and another room was occupied by an actress from New York called Butter. She had this fat ugly old dog named Butternuts and Harry started calling her by the dog's name because she hated it. He did it so much, we all started doing it and now I can only remember her real name if I think real hard.
*
We also had another resident, young Ichabod, who lived in the basement. It was unfinished and he was the weirdest dude. He was real tall and skinny, he looked like Ichabod Crane and he never had any money. He wanted to be onstage so badly, he worked at the theatre for practically nothing doing odd jobs. I felt sorry for him, but, he was weird. He'd hoped to move into the room my kid got, but, he had no money to contribute so he just like, hung around, sleeping on the sun porch which was a room for transient actors. It was usually occupied by whoever was co-staring in the latest show and needed a room because there was only one small hotel in the closest town. Harry was going to toss him out, but, he cut a hole in the porch floor and made a trap door entrance to the gross basement. I told Harry to leave Icky alone. I mean, god, the dude lives in a hole in our floor. How much more desperate can you get? I never knew his real name and he live with us for years.
*
The cool part was, no one bothered anyone. No one was home much. They were either at the show, at rehearsals or out. Everyone had their own space. So, we settled in. The house was kind of charming, but, oh my god, was it filthy. The guys never cleaned anything and Butter was a women's libber who refused to do anything for "them." I got her point, but, ewww. I wasn't working, so I cleaned it up. It took awhile. Like, the kitchen sink had been stopped up for at least six months and they just left it. I had to throw away some of the dishes. I don't think anyone had ever cleaned the bathrooms. Great party house..not so much for living in. Once, Harry thoughtfully brought me home a new mop and broom and boy, did he catch shit. They all stood around and said "Oh, Harry, you're so romantical, kiss me while I hold my brand new mop!" I thought it was funny, they were just being assholes. But, Harry exploded and yelled at them for being slobs and how I was the only one around who did anything and cleaned up their shit. Owch. It was bad. It was the first time I'd seen him act like that and I was embarrassed. You know, because they'd all said thank you for what I'd done and I didn't mind doing it. It was awkward and there was silence for days. Eventually it passed, but, it should have been a wake up call for me. It should have been. But, I was young, I was in love and I let it pass.
*
I'd been to the theatre and it was the first time I had seen a live stage play. I was taken with it all. I loved it and so did the kid. It was only later that I realized what I was seeing there was of a very high caliber. These people were seriously talented. This was not a community theatre, it was just amazing. Harry was friends with the owner who was a heavy set older woman named Felicia and her husband, Wilber. Felicia invited us out to her house for dinner several times and she was a gourmet cook. She reminded me a lot of Julia Child. Incredibly talented in the kitchen, she was also a patron of the arts and I admired her a lot. Her house was incredible, but, totally messy. She was a real slob, which surprised me. I never said anything, even to Harry, but, man, it was almost as bad as our house when I moved in. Wilber was a sweet old man who spoke little, smiled shyly and would turn red if you told him a dirty joke (which he liked). I loved him. He could fix anything, and I mean anything. He could also build anything and did set building around the theatre. He taught Harry a lot about carpentry. Felicia was someone I had respect and admiration for and she turned into one of my worse enemies later on. I'll get to that..but, it was because we were in love with the same man and she had no chance with him. And it wasn't Harry or Wilber. She really broke my heart. Jealous women are worse than any man.
*
One weekend my mother had the kid, so instead of just going home after the play, I met Harry in the theatre's bar for a night of partying. He introduced me to the two key players at the theatre, the director and the choreographer. I'd seen them around, but, never talked to them, it was always so busy on show nights, kind of a blur, so many people. They sat down at our table and had a drink and we started talking. The choreographer was an aging openly gay man, he was so far out of the closet, he couldn't have found the closet with a map and a flashlight. His name was Maurice and I found him hilarious. He had every feminine mannerism known to the stereotypical gay man. He waved his hands, posed with his hand on his hip, swished and flapped and did this hilarious thing where he'd punctuate his sentences by licking his little finger and straightening his eyebrow hairs with it. I found myself grinning at everything he did. I had gay friends, but, I had never met an out of the closet gay gay man before. And Maurice was outrageous.
*
The director was Italian. Giotto Bernini. Everyone called him Otto. He was handsome in an old matinee idol way. A blond version of some lost silent movie star who's name forever escapes me. His hair was longish and naturally curly. His face was neither incredibly handsome nor ugly. It was his eyes. Oh my god, his eyes. They were.....blue. Or green. Or gray. Depending on the mood. They sparkled and sparked. He used his eyebrows like Michelangelo used a paint brush. Or like Charlie Chaplin told a story with no words. He had the most delicious asymmetrical evil grin. I adored this guy from the very second he said hello. I think the feeling was mutual. I'm pretty sure it was. Why else would he stay at our table all night throwing one liners to me? I have no idea why, but, for some reason I felt like I'd known him forever and had no inhibitions. Yes, I knew he was important and yet I felt no compulsion to behave myself. I'm fairly quick and a little evil myself and I gave it right back to him. In spades.
*
As much as Otto was taken with me, Maurice hated me. He got bitten by the green eyed monster and said some mean bitchy shit which I let slide. He was cute, but, kind of pathetic. At one point Otto said something very complimentary and Maurice threw a small hissy and asked me, "What have you got that I don't have?" I said (in my best May West), "Nothing. Mine's just an inch higher and a whole lot tighter." Otto about fell off his chair and at that point Maurice actually warmed up a bit. He did the old eyebrow lick, but, he stopped being a complete bitch to me. He leaned over and said to Otto, "She's fucking naughty." They both grinned.
*
Harry told me off when we got home. He said, do you have any idea who you were talking to?? I said, sorry, I didn't know I was talking to god. Jesus, they're YOUR friends, aren't they? They looked like they were having a good time to me. I told him to chill out, that I loved Otto and I'd win Maurice over. He huffed that Otto was gay. I laughed. "That dude is so not gay." He insisted he was. I shook my head. Look, I don't care who he sleeps with, that guy is not gay. Harry was still upset with me when we got a call the next day. It was Otto wanting us to join him and Maurice for a night out on the town. Harry was so excited, you'd think the fucking Queen had called. Which is pretty funny when I think about it. Two Queens called, according to him.
*
We were going to the city for the night and I actually was excited. Dinner and a show. Harry fussed over his hair and wore a professor looking jacket with elbow patches and jeans. He looked casual good. I told him he was hot, which he was. I put on my favorite hippie girl outfit which was a tie dye sheer flowing sleeved blouse with overalls. Bib overalls. But, they weren't farm overalls, they were cute girl ones with tight legs that flared on the bottom and a tiny bib that came up just to the cleavage with plenty of side boob. It had embroidery on it. I did my hair in that style where you make thin braids in the front and wrap it around the back. Like a partial headband. Remember that? Harry had a fit. He said I couldn't wear overalls out with Maurice and Otto, it was awful. Not classy. He was wrong. And I told him so.This was a cute outfit in the 70's and I looked good in it. It showed off my teensy waist. Butter walked through the kitchen where we were arguing and looked me up and down and said, "YOU, look hot." Then she looked Harry up and down and said, "YOU.. are a pig." Ahh, the animosity. After she left, I thought about changing my outfit, but, he started laying down the law. He grabbed my arm really hard and jerked me around. I would have changed, but, he grabbed my arm, like he was the boss or my father. I jerked my arm back and told him that was uncool and he could go by himself. He apologised and I wore my bibs. But, I could tell he was embarrassed by me. This made twice he acted like I embarrassed him. Twice. It almost ruined my evening. And that arm grabbing. Another warning sign I didn't heed.
*
We went to dinner at a nice little restaurant, but, it wasn't fancy. Otto said it had a good food review in some underground paper and he wanted to try it. I found out later he loved that stuff. He liked to find out of the way places no one knew about, he loved truck stops and diners and took me to many. He introduced me to a lot of things, and seemed to enjoy it. Anything new he could show me made him happy. Anything that actually shocked me made him deliriously happy. As I took off my coat Otto did the old Groucho eyebrow thing where he got all lecherous. It was funny and his way of saying I looked good. Maurice yawned and said, "I saw that outfit on Shields and Yarnell. Both of them." I laughed and let him have that one. We ordered drinks and I asked for a Coke. Harry looked embarrassed again and Maurice said, no drink? I said, no, I don't drink. Otto said he'd noticed that the other night (was there anything he didn't notice?) and I told him I just don't like the taste. I don't mind other people drinking though. Maurice said, "Oh my god, you were sober the other night??" He made me laugh so much. They all did. Harry finally got the stick out of his butt and he was funny and cute too. We had such a good time. If Maurice was constantly on stage, Otto wasn't. I noticed that about him. He was just as quick witted as anyone I've ever met, but, he was always ready to share the spotlight. To let others have their turn and to contemplate their words. He would smile that sly smile, narrow his eyes and measure people. He liked to watch responses. You can learn a lot that way and I learned that from him.
*
We went to see Kiss Me Kate. A rival theatre was putting it on and they were supposed to be hot shit. It wasn't bad, but, when Otto asked me what I thought after, I told the truth. It was way too fucking long and it only had three good songs. Harry kicked my leg hard in the backseat. Otto said I was right, he would have cut the shit out of it. I said that part where they fight on stage is good though. Maurice said, real snotty, The Taming Of The Shrew? And I said, I guess, yeah. He said, oh, my, god! You don't know what Taming Of The Shrew is!! I said, I don't know what anything is! I'd never seen a play before I came to your theatre. Harry hung his head like I'd just fingered myself or something, but, Otto turned around and said, you're a theatre virgin! Aww. It seemed to excite him. He said to Maurice, think of all the things we can show her and it's all new! He told me I'd called it on those songs too. They'd left a bunch of shit in that play that was nothing but luggage. They could have done encores of the good stuff. And the orchestra lagged. We had a great animated conversation on the way home. I don't know when I've had a better time and I was stone cold sober.
*
We started going out a lot as a foursome after that and I never ever felt like I had to put on airs. We went to the city a lot and tried something different every night we went out. We ate Greek food and danced with the belly dancers, we caught food in our mouths thrown by Japanese chefs off hibachis, we went to underground gay bars and rival play houses...we just had a blast. No one made me laugh like those three men. Somewhere during that time, near the beggining actually, Harry told Otto he didn't like bartending, it was too hard. He threw a little fit about it. See, Harry's real job was to run the lights for the stage. He had a big electric pannel he sat behing like it was the Starship Enterprise and he was very good at it. It looked complicated to me. Anyhow, the theatre held 800 people, usually with one intermission. That is a shit ton of drinks to get out in twenty minutes. There was no regular bartender, don't ask me why. Several people, mostly actors, shared the job with Harry and they all hated it. They had to uncostume and run from the theatre to the bar and back. It was a real pain. Harry hated it because it was work. He liked being a bartender when it was slow and you could stand around and look cool, but, he hated it when it was busy. Roughly 800 drinks in 20 minutes is pretty busy.
*
I was there when Harry threw his little hissy. Otto ran his hands through his hair, irritated and turned around and looked at me. He looked me up and down. Then he looked at Maurice and grinned. Maurice (bless his old bitchy heart) said, she's perfect. Otto told me I was the new head bartender. I protested that I didn't even drink and didn't know anything about bartending, but, they both jumped in and said, you can do it, it's nothing! Jack and coke..is? Uhh, Jack and coke? Right! Bourban and water? Uhh, yeah, I'm catching on. What if someone asks for a blended weird thing? Otto said they aren't allowed to at intermisssion, there's a sign up about that. And if they ask for it when it's slow, you can ask or look it up. Here's the really good part. I was almost always with my kid and I told them, I don't know anyone in this town and I'm not leaving my kid with strangers. (When we went out, I planned for it and drove all the way back to Iowa to leave my kid with my mom for the night.) They told me I didn't have to find a sitter. He was a good kid and I could bring him to work. He could stay upstairs in their apartment during bar hours (theatre bar hours, not regular bar hours). Really, he only had to stay there during intermission. The stairway was right outside the bar entrance. I could leave the door open and I could hear him up there watching TV. It was no different than having your kid play upstairs at your house while you're downstairs and I could check on him all the time. So I became a bartender. I told Maurice you can tell the head bartender from the other bartenders because they're the ones with dirty knees. Har har.
*
That was the best job I ever had. Because it was so much fun and I loved the people I worked for.