Curtain up Act 4

Our lives went on. Sometimes life was so good back then, that I really thought I had no right to be that happy. You know? Like, if you're that happy, something terrible is going to happen. And it did. I was cleaning the house one day and I was all alone. The kid was in school, the rest of them were at work and I had the stereo blasting. It was nice to have a day home alone. I remember I was singing "Up a steep and very narrow stairway.." Just belting it out. All alone. Funny, the things you remember. I started picking up the endless crap so I could vacuum. Eric's toys, Harry's beer bottles, DaVeed's big old tap shoes on the stairs...and as I bent over, I spotted this folded up paper stuck in a big plant on the landing. It could have been stuck in there forever for all I knew, you could only spot it if you bent over on the landing. I unfolded it and saw my name. Hmm. It was a whole list of names, some I recognized, all female. What the fuck? It was Harry's hand writing. I stuck it in my pocket and kept on working, but, it kept bugging me. What did it mean. A list of names? Why? I was halfway through the second load of laundry before it hit me. Harry had been writing a list of names of all the women he'd ever slept with. I just knew. I knew I was right. He was always making dumb lists when he was bored. I took it out and looked at it and I felt my face go numb. Because my name was on it, that meant he'd written it after he met me. Some of the names on it were chicks from the chorus who'd moved on. Now, I was feeling sort of sick. Butter was on it. Butter? Are you kidding me?? She lived with us. She lived right across our hall. I started to cry.
*
When Harry came home I handed him the list. His face told it all. Shock and more shock. He tried to play it off, like, so what, it's people I work with. I said, no, it's people you've had sex with. We got into a huge fight and he admitted what the note was. (To his credit, he filled out the back and front.) So, I asked him when he wrote it and don't tell me before you met me, because I'm right there. And I pointed to the list. He said he made the list one day after we'd just met. I was too upset to figure a time line on some of the names. But, I had to know about Butter. Jesus, Butter? Butter was weird. She was a 100% diva actress totally wrapped up in her career which had been pretty much second rate. She was tall and thick. She had no friends and didn't want any. Always on a diet. Self absorbed to the point of madness. Secretly in love with DaVeed, who was secretly gay. The only person she deemed good enough to confide in was Butternuts who shit in her room and had a skin condition. He was the ugliest dog I ever met. She was the epitome of the typical New York actress who can't get a good part and yet thinks she's the undiscovered Barbara Streisand. She reminds me now of Leah Michelle if she was a tenor and fat. And had bad skin. Harry had slept with her. And her name was right under mine.
*
What a blow. He claimed it was one time, he was drunk and he had no idea he was so serious about me. That was news to me, since he'd told me just the opposite since day one. I don't know why exactly, but, I wasn't mad at Butter. She was no threat to me. And she was so self absorbed she probably hadn't even known my name at that time. I started yelling at Harry calling him a cheating bastard. He countered with, well YOU slept with DaVeed. Oh, jesus. I wasn't with him then, he was with Jaws. And besides, I barely remembered it and I'll bet DaVeed didn't either. It was such a nothing happening that we weren't even uncomfortable sharing a house. That was not the same thing. And he knew it. He told me the other names happened before me. I didn't think they all did, but, I couldn't prove it. And at that point, it didn't matter. What mattered is, I found out Harry wasn't what I thought he was and we weren't the perfect couple.
*
After about a week of fighting, he convinced me to stay and that he loved me. He promised a million times that he'd never do anything like that again. I wasn't sure I believed him, but, I loved him. Let me tell you about Harry. I told you he was good looking, sure, but, a lot of people are good looking. Harry was unique. He was a perfect cross between Archie Bunker and Mike Stivic. He had all of Meatheads liberal rational views and Archie's bigoted way of thinking he was always right when he was clearly wrong. He popped one liners like pop corn and the result was an outrageous insulting and often hilarious persona that attracted people like flies. He also spoke with a heavy New York accent that cracked me up. Deese, dem, dis and doze. Whoop de do. We all did a great imitation of him. "What is dis? Youze homos get out of dis heah bah. It's closin' time!" Oh, he could pour on the intellectual smooze when it was required, he was well educated and had a degree in, of all things, English. He was only a couple of years older than me, but, considered himself worldly.
*
When people first met me, they assumed I was his trophy bimbo. I was expected to look pretty and stand at his side and let him be the show. Well, that's not me. The reason he fell for me in the first place, besides the boobs and blond hair, was that I was the only chick he ever met that could keep up with him. Anything he said, I had an answer for. "Oh, youze can all suck my dick!" Me, "I tried that and you still won't shut up." Him, "Yeah, but you can't talk wid yer mouthful." Me, "Exactly. Would you like to hear me read the sonnets?" When he got tired of being teased, he'd yell at all of us..."Aww fuck youze!" Me, "Sure, I got a minute." He was also a fashion freak, always buying the latest GQ in thing. Him, "Dis here is a nightshoit, from one of dem preppie catalogs." Me, "It's a fucking nightgown, you homo. And your knee socks don't match." Otto and Maurice thought it was hilarious that Harry had met his match. The problem happened when I was quicker on the draw than Harry, and truthfully, it happened a lot. I couldn't help it. Where he had once found me hilarious, he didn't think it was funny when Maurice and Otto found me so amusing. The problem was doubly compounded by the fact that he was a college graduate and I hadn't even gone to high school. Something he loved to point out. I tried to tone it down, but, then I was just being someone else and it seemed retarded. I gave up. He could just deal with it. Harry could dish it out all day long, but, he didn't like to take it back. Hardly seemed fair to me.
*
One day after a particularly good time at the staff meeting, Harry said, sarcastically, well, you were on a roll, eh? I tried ignoring him, but, he kept on.."Oh, you think you're so amusing. You and fucking Otto. Oh, yeah, Otto thinks you're so hilarious. Why don't you and Otto get a room?" Now, that was just wrong. I knew Otto had a minor thing for me. I thought it was a bit, you know, a stage schtick he was doing. The lecherous director. I could easily have had a thing for him, but, I wasn't single. I didn't play that game and Harry knew it. Everyone knew it. Oh, once in awhile when I was alone, I imagined what it would be like to kiss Otto, but, that was as far as I got, even in my head. It embarrassed me. Anyway, isn't that kind of normal? Harry didn't know what was in my head anyway. It's not like he never thought about other people. At least I didn't have a fucking list stuck in the potted plants.

*
So, if I tried not to think about Otto, Harry did. It bugged him, I think because he kind of idolized Otto. Harry didn't have a gay bone in his body, but, I think he wanted to be like Otto. He couldn't stand the fact that Otto favored me so much. Harry would ask why the hell Otto asked me things. Like about theatre productions. He said it was outrageous and stupid because I didn't know anything! I think Otto asked me things because he got an honest answer from an audience point of view instead of the ass kissing he usually got. I certainly never influenced anything important. Nor did I try.
*
I watched auditions once. Maurice told me it was hilarious, like the gong show. I thought it was brutal. The worst were stage moms who pushed untalented kids. I got kind of sick knowing Maurice would tear them up later. Otto was usually kind, but, impatient with obvious losers. I could tell when he was getting antsy and fed up. It was like watching an impending explosion that never quite happened. It made me uncomfortable, so one audition day was enough for me. On that day Otto was looking for a lead actress. He had a lot of big time friends and he could pull leads that would surprise you. Most of them came from New York or Hollywood and they were sometimes well known and talented. We'd had several television stars take roles in their off time. But, this time he needed a particular type and no one was available.
*
The last audition was for someone local that we'd all heard good things about. She came in and sang and she had a good voice. We were all sitting in the front row and I was listening to them. Maurice had her resume and he pointed out that she'd had years of ballet and there was a ballet in this play. He was just back from the New York ballet and he was all hot to do some fancy footwork for the cast and I was excited to watch them work that out. Otto leaned over and asked me if I thought she was cute? I told him she was very cute, but, really short. (She had zits too, but, I didn't say that.) Otto nodded and asked Maurice if he could work with that and Maurice said, sure, I just won't put her in a dance line and no one will notice. Otto was working it out in his head and he said, we'll throw a good wig on her and filter spotlight her. We have to do something with that skin though. Whew, glad I didn't say it. Otto asked Harry what he thought and Harry, who'd been drinking, said, "I'd fuck her. " Jesus. Without thinking Otto said, "You fuck everything, you have no taste." Maurice's eyes popped out and he poked Otto in the ribs. Yeah, he'd forgotten I was there. The thing was, no one laughed. If they had laughed it would have been normal and funny.
*
So Otto was aware of what Harry had been up to. I guess everyone knew but me. And it made me feel shitty. I left and never went to auditions again. It explained why Otto was making no bones about the fact that he fancied me though. I really didn't read him as a person who would hit on a friend's girlfriend. It also made me realize I could flirt back if I wanted to. And I wanted to. Harry was an asshole.
*
Maurice came into the bar later and fiddled around. He was just flitting, like he had something to say and finally he blurted, "You can do better, Daisy." Aww, he was sweet sometimes. Not often, but, that made it more special when he was. I kissed his old powdered cheek and he ran off saying he had to wash the "girl" off.
*
That night we all went into the city to see a movie. With cast change, auditions, a new play starting and an old one still running, this would be the last night all of us would have free for weeks. Harry was irritated from the getgo because Otto had said he wanted ME to see this movie. All the way up there, he kept saying it was a surprise and I was going to love it. I wanted hints. Finally he said, "Tonight, you are going to fall in lust with a man wearing fish net stockings and a corset." I told him he was fucking nuts. He kept telling me, you just wait. Harry brooded. Ahh, do I need to give you the title of the movie? Yep. It was The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It started out cute, it was a musical, the songs were good, haunted castle, rain, everything was charmingly campy and cute. Then the scene where Dr. Frankenfurter comes on started. He was singing "Sweet Transvestite." I tried to keep my face neutral, but, I could see Otto leaning out of his seat to look at me. During that whole number he never looked at the screen. He watched my face. I gave up and gave him what he wanted. I looked at him with my eyes popping and mouth hanging wide open. He was so delighted with himself. All the way home the three of us talked about how smokin' hot Tim Curry was in that film and Harry brooded. I was totally in love with Frankenfurter and Otto was right. We also talked about RKO radio pictures and what they had meant to us growing up. It was featured in the show and a joke I definitely got. And the audience participation was a gas. Otto was beside himself with glee for finally shocking me. Harry said to me, why don't you just crawl in the fucking front seat. I ignored him, but, Otto offered to let Maurice pull over and let HIM get in the front. It was blunt. A line had been drawn and crossed. I was no longer Harry's property and nothing was off limits.
*
Otto and I started looking at each other. That's it. A wink here, a laugh there. We didn't do anything underhanded, he looked...I looked back. I had always secretly enjoyed him looking at me, but, now it wasn't a secret. But, it was still all in fun. Harry started to drink all the time. He also started pushing me around and on at least two occasions, when we were alone, he slapped me. He slapped me one time for eating all the dip. Are you kidding me? I bought all the groceries, he never put in a dime. If I wanted to eat the fucking dip, I would eat the fucking dip. I told him so too. He started this obnoxious behavior where he'd point out the meaning of things to me at work, like I was some illiterate hillbilly. Otto invited us over for dinner and he was teaching us to make home made pasta. Pasta Verde. Harry started, "Verde means.." And I said, "Yeah, green, I know, but, how does it get green?" Otto showed me..it's spinach and it's delicious. Harry kept it up. Everything Otto would say, Harry would pointedly explain it to me. I didn't want to be a bitch, but, seriously, other than theatre, what the hell did he know that I didn't? I'd actually read the big collection of books in his bookcases. Harry carried one around to try and impress people. This behavior was annoying and insulting. Otto mentioned that the next play was going to be Oh, Coward. Harry jumped in to tell me who Noel Coward was and I snapped. I looked at him and in my best blond bimbo voice said, "Really professor? Can you get us off the island too?" Otto and Maurice cracked up and told him he deserved it. They started calling him Svengali which I had to go to the library and look up. But, it was funny then. I didn't have to look up Eliza Doolittle when they called him Professor Higgins. Asshole.

*
They just thought he was ridiculous. He loved to point out how educated he was. Otto told him I could go to school, but, he would always be an asshole. Harry became infuriated by nothing. I could do something so innocent, I wouldn't even see the rage coming. Once we were having a famous Midwest artist come in to paint a back drop. He was doing it to show he had community spirit and I wanted to watch. Otto didn't know that and he sent me to the airport to pick up a friend of his. I tried to tell him, but, he was busy and pissy that day and wouldn't listen. I gave up and did what he told me. He was the boss. But, later, when we weren't on the clock, I told him how pissed I was. I was laughing then. He honestly felt bad for making me miss the artist, since I was the only one there who would have given two shits about it. A week later Otto surprised me with a certificate to a class given by this same artist. I was so touched by his thoughtfulness, but, who'd watch my kid? Otto said he would. I could leave him in the theatre, he loved watching rehearsal, he'd be fine. I couldn't believe he'd do that for me. It was just so nice.

*
When Harry got wind of it, he exploded. He screamed that he was sick of me and Otto. He said, "You cook with Otto, you drive Otto's car and now you have him watching your kid! You won't even let me watch that kid!" I was so tired of him yelling at me and pushing me around. I drove Otto's car because it was my job to pick actors up from the airport and train station. Otto taught BOTH of us to cook and I wouldn't let Harry babysit because he drank all the time and we had a pond on our property! He wasn't making any sense. It's not like Otto was my babysitter, jesus, he watched him one time. I knew who Otto was, how important he was.. I knew how lucky I was to have him as a friend and mentor. I have no idea why he liked me so much, he certainly didn't give most people that kind of attention, but, I appreciated it and I wasn't about to have Harry telling me to stop hanging with Otto when we hadn't done a damn thing wrong.

*

I figured it would blow over. A few nights later I was moving the buttons on Butter's costume. She'd gotten the role of Miss Mazeppa in Gypsy and she was magnificent in it. Otto had done it again, chosen the role perfectly. She had even learned to play the trumpet for it, no faking allowed. But, she would simply die if her costume was too tight and her latest diet hadn't worked. I was sitting at the kitchen table and dinner was cooking as I bit the thread. Icky walked in with DaVeed and I asked where Harry was, since they usually got home at the same time. Icky blurted out that he was at the hotel. Curious. What's he doing there, I asked? DaVeed was giving Icky a look and I caught it. They both clammed up and ran out. What the fuck was Harry doing at the hotel in town? The actors who didn't live at the theatre or our house stayed there. There was a bar downstairs, maybe he was drinking with someone. I tried to put it out of my mind, I mean, we lived together, I didn't own him. But, usually if we were going somewhere with someone, we told each other. Or phoned. And what was with that look the boys exchanged? I shrugged it off. I was busy.

*
The next day was a rare day off and we had a business meeting. After it was over, we all started laughing and joking around as usual, getting the latest gossip out of the way. Maurice started the "Who'd you do" game. It was Maurice's idea of fun to ask who everybody would fuck if they could fuck anyone at the theatre. I didn't play. He asked Otto and Otto stared at me and said, "I'm looking at my fantasy." Holy crap! I mean, he flirted, but, he never ever went that far. I was speechless. Maurice gasped. Harry banged the table and stomped over to the beer cooler. Otto got up and followed him while the rest of us watched. Harry said, "Don't you have something to warm up in the kitchen?" Otto said, "Don't you have to go the hotel bar for a cheap.. drink?" Really nasty. It was obvious some double meanings were going on and I was feeling kind of sick. I had to go home.
*
The next night, Harry didn't come home. At all. It was late, and my mom had my kid for the night. I waited for Harry to get home, but, it just got later and later. Our bar had closed early and it was almost last call in town. I drove to the hotel and found his truck. I went inside the bar and he wasn't there. I got in my car to leave and I saw him peeking at me through an upstairs window. In one of the rooms. I flipped him off and left. I knew who's room it was. It was one of those things you just know. She was a cunt of a chick. I never liked her. She was one of those people who just grind on you because they think they're better than they are. Otto had given her a secondary role and she tried in vain to parlay it into a lead. She could carry a tune, but, had no range. And she had a pie face. She could lose a few pounds too. We called her Fish Face and Otto had already said she wasn't going to be in the next show. She had deliberately taken encores that weren't justified. Diva behavior like that wasn't tolerated. No one liked her. And Harry was fucking her. And everyone knew it, but, me. Nice.
*
I told Harry he was a fucking asshole and he could have Fish Face and her fish smelling puss and when I got my check, I was moving out. He told me I wasn't. I ignored him. I had nothing to say to him anymore. The sun porch was unoccupied and I started sleeping in there. I'd get paid in two weeks.